Joining a new job can be one of the most underrated and scariest things ever, especially if it is in a new city. Having moved to the economic capital of our country just 3 months back and zero knowledge about the local language, it was an unusually difficult task to adapt and adjust to the new environment, where everyone is so work-driven and career-oriented that there is basically no time left for friendships and acquaintances. And if you happen to hail from a family of over-achievers, then there’s no way you’re going to get out of feeling bad about yourself.
Before I get into the details of my job and how I’m feeling about it, let me enlighten you about a few things about myself.
I belong to a simple, middle-class family where ethics, morale and honesty were valued up and above everything else. I have always been a good student, with a good academic career all the way from school, through college and till my post-graduation. I worked for several institutions and companies for quite some time; I shifted from Kolkata to Vadodara and then to Mumbai and finally landed a job in a smart-tech startup company which mainly focuses on artificial intelligence, machine and deep learning and tech-things, which are far, far, far away from what I’ve studied for and done all my life. Not just that, but fueling my anxiety and self-doubt and low self-esteem was the amazing, amazing man that I’ve married. He’s the best at everything he does and somehow that has made me feel everything but confident about myself and my capabilities and talents. The facts that he earns a lot more than me, is respected at his workplace, has so many people working under him, goes on office trips and tours and team lunches/dinners, has made friends and acquaintances in his company, can drive, has traveled far and wide across the world, is generally smarter and more confident than me, make me feel so small and insignificant. This has absolutely nothing to do with him and is completely my problem, I know that. It is me who has to work on her self-esteem and self-confidence. Moreover, it isn’t that he doesn’t encourage me or push me to pursue my dreams and my goals, it is only that his wonderful work ethics make me feel so little. Also, there’s no denying the fact that he’s almost 30 years old and I’m only 25. He’s got an MBA degree in operations and logistics, whereas I am an MA in English Literature. He struggled through 3 years of life on oil-tankers and a miserable year in Thailand, while I’ve had it all easy for so long. Considering all the points, I’ve a long way to go still; I’m only getting started.
But writing about it helps me, writing about anything and everything helps me get through all of it, which is why this blog exists.
I’ll end by remembering what Robert Frost had most famously said: “…but I’ve promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.”
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