It’s not very often that I come up with something that I am actually proud of. But I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those seldom thought of write ups that I can proudly call my own.
What is hope?
For me, it is the ability to hold on even when everything in life goes south. My life, at the moment, is pretty much like that. I am at the verge of giving up. I am not really sure as to how long I can put up with this charade of being fine with everything happening in and around my life. It is with utmost difficulty that I get up every morning and put on the best kind of smile I can get my hands on and drag myself through the day.
Today is like any other day. Except that I’ve been shoved and pushed with my back up against the wall by the one person who was supposed to be there through thick and thin and everything in between.
I can only question, where does the good go? Where does the love go? And perhaps most importantly, where does the friendship go?
How do you get through that? How do you live life knowing that the person you counted on for everything, the one you trusted with your life, turned out to be the very person who just gave up on you. And for what? He doesn’t seem to know, and neither do you.
Days like these make it a tad bit more difficult to keep holding on to faith- faith in your own self, faith in the goodness of the world and people, and the general faith that things are eventually going to get better.
For a music lover like me, it’s songs that sometimes help me get through the day. Mandisa’s Stronger, for example, tells me that “when the waves are taking you under, hold on just a little bit longer, He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger. The pain ain’t gonna last forever, and things can only get better, believe me this is gonna make you stronger, gonna make you stronger.”
I am, to be honest, not that spiritual a person. But dark days bring out the deep-seated, very deep-seated, spirituality in me. You know, like you actually feel like maybe, just maybe, things are going to work out in the end, if not today or tomorrow, but someday.
Oblivious to me, love, I never knew, was so relative a term these days. One day, you love someone and the next, you’ve already fallen out of the spell. Even with all the gloominess covering the planet, with all the death and destruction everywhere, love will find a way, or so I believed. And it’s strange how the person who once made you believe in this weirdest of theories is now the one who has walked away, and for what? No one knows.
Now that I look back at the paragraphs I’ve just written, I find it really stupid that each paragraph seems to be so out of link with each other. One’s about hope, the other about love, and one seems to be about the world. But I guess that’s why blogs exist, for you to be able to write whatever comes to your mind and go with the flow. Such random thoughts put together with sometimes no meaning whatsoever, that’s the beauty of the human mind.
But it’s interesting how “I” runs through it all. I, like every single individual out there, keep thinking about myself and myself alone. Has the world gone so down-hill? Have we lost all humanity?
With the recent Paris bombings and Chapecoense’s plane crash, I still keep worrying about one person leaving me behind, not bothering to look back. There’s a wider spectrum, waiting to be found and discovered, the one where we think less about our own selves, and more about the collective good of others.
When I started writing this, or when the thought of writing something occurred to me, I had thought of blurting out in words how I’ve been hurt recently. Spite and anger and hatred and sheer pain had consumed me. But as it turns out, I still have people around me to love me for me, for who I am, and how I am. And with this, I vow to spend more of my time focusing on bringing a smile to someone else’s face, because I know how it feels to be lost, in a hollow enclave without hope or faith, now more than ever. It’ll be a better use of my time I suppose.
Like my last article, I don’t expect many to go through this entire thing. For someone to dedicate all that time and effort to read this most ordinary of write ups, I cannot possibly think of anyone like that. Now that I know how my blood bleeds blue and smells like ink, I intend to keep the tap open.
Life is a beautiful thing, . It’s a gift that we get only once in our lifetime. And as long as we’re alive, we’ve got to keep fighting, and swinging till we’ve got nothing left. Life is a game and as Kenny Rogers points out, you should know when to hold on and when to let go.
But the question still remains- and how do you know when to let go?
Sitasri_author02111994 